So today was a crappy day. . .I've been in the dumps lately and what started gnawing on me last night, squirmed it's way into my day today.
I know I should be better about this stuff. I should take every thought captive and I should know better. I should pray more, but there are just days were it's crap. . crap. . .crap. . .and more crap.
I feel like crap. . .
But God is good, it wasn't all lost on crap. This morning the Lord ministered to me through the saints of the church, by allowing me to be prayed over, when I was weak. Allowing this sweet, blessed woman to just love on me and give me a vision of how Jesus sees me. It was so sweet, she just couldn't stop hugging me and I couldn't stop hugging her, what a God-send she was. I needed that hug more than anything (and I don't usually like hugs)! I need hugs though, I know that my heavenly Father knows that and for that I'm thankful.
So the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, I didn't ask for it, I didn't know what it meant before three years ago, but He's gifted me with it. I don't like it all the time, especially, as sometimes it leads me to truth that hurts. Or truth that I don't like, or truth that flat out scares me (ever see a demon, well I have and that's wrapped up in that gift of discernment). And through it all, I always know in my heart what's going on, some people call it a gut feeling, others just know. And most of the time, I do a pretty good job of taking every thought captive. And last night I went to war, I was not going to let the enemy win!
For instance, as the enemy tried to attack, I did it, I prayed and I prayed hard. I said Lord, this is the truth, this is your truth, let it reign true, let all things be okay, let it just be the enemy wanting to derail me. So I prayed and I slept, and I got a really good nights sleep. But when I woke, the shaking was still happening. So much so, it followed me to church, where the Lord shook me to my core, and told me. . .you need prayer, you need help and I won't leave you. I promise, I love you, you are a jewel, you are mine, you are chosen. But child, not everyone is going to understand. Let me command your destiny, let me be your provision, let me rule in your heart.
So my day went on and what a numbing day it was. . .numb, that's the word. The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and so does the enemy, and sometimes we can be fooled by things that look close. They look like a gift, but aren't truth. We have to be careful, but we must not stop loving. As we are told to love, and I do that, I do it really well, but I never want to do it so well that I lose sight of God or myself. When I do this, I lose focus and make so many other things my idol, I fail, and in essence, I sin. BUT GOD. . . And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God. - Luke 16:15
I guess the reason I wanted to post this was to keep it real. To let you know that even though smiles abound normally, there are crappy days and thankfully the Lord sees us through each one of them. May you be blessed and if you are having a crappy day, stop and pray, or message me and I will pray for you! Love, kt
Written 11/9/15