I don't want to be silent

Updated: Aug 28, 2020

Friends, I don't want to be silent about racial injustice, I want to be loud and overbearing...but I also want to walk humbly...sometimes processing the evil in the world brings me to a place of silence, because I don't know what to say. But I can tell you that from a very young age, racial inequality plagued me and I didn't understand it. I didn't agree with it and it hurt me (and still does). I cringed and hated when racial slurs and comments were made and accepted in my presence.


My way of fighting back was to surround myself with diversity and to always be open to learn more, to read more and not to turn my back on things I see. When I’m able to speak up I would and I will. And many times in the past, I did not, mostly out of fear. But God continues to show me that I should not fear, not only does He convey it in His word as I read, but He continually reminds me through stories and the path He has led me down.


And yet still today, I freeze. Last night I scrolled as brothers and sisters of all colors and walks of life reacted to the tragic death of #georgefloyd and my heart broke. It broke it because weeks earlier I lamented over #ahmaudarbery and #breonnataylor. Weeks before that I lamented after reading Just Mercy by Bryan Stephenson and it hurts each day as I get reports in my feed about death, persecution and injustice. So last night, I felt the weight of sin, I felt the weight of sorrow, I felt the weight of trauma, I felt the weight of truly not being able to walk in a black man or woman’s shoes. I felt the weight of wanting to do something, but not knowing what. My stomach cinched up and it’s been cinched all day. I don’t want to be silent about injustice of any kind. For those of you who know me, you know I have a deep longing for Christ’s love to be shown to ALL people! You've seen me lament about it when it comes to immigration and refugee issues.


THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS ON MY HEART...


My world is really small (and very sheltered), but I pray to God that my influence is large, that I live loudly for the call of Christ. That I speak up for injustice, that I seek truth in all areas, that I listen to my brothers and sisters when they cry and that I cry with them, I lament with them and I love more. Lord help me love more.

I chose this picture, because I started to just post something to Instagram/Facebook. I didn't want to copy, re-post or simply use another’s ideas. And yet, as I wrote my typing increased and my thoughts kept coming. I wanted someone to be able to see my heart and I needed to write about my heart. I needed to sort out all the thoughts.


Why these boots? It made me think of the term “boots on the ground” - and if there’s anything I’d love for my life to represent, it’s boots on the ground, activated for Christ, with Him living through me and with my heart ready to go where He leads.


I struggle with this, especially now as a mom, now in the middle of a pandemic, now as I get older. It’s something I need to overcome even more for all of those reasons. I want to be a leading example to my daughter and my family. I want to live boldly, fight injustice and speak out when I see things that are clearly not the heart of God. Things don’t change or go away by stuffing it, by pushing it under a rug, by avoiding the topic because it’s uncomfortable. I know this as truth in my own life and I know that it’s not how we change the world.


With that said, I'm willing to fumble through the mess, with you, to be wrong, to be corrected, to be changed. Ultimately, I want to be a safe space to talk, a safe space to vent, to ask questions, to be challenged and to fight for change. I want to be a peacemaker not a peacekeeper. I want to be a change maker. I want to be a wiser me so that I can cultivate a wiser we, a wiser community and a wiser world. One that learns from others and learns from mistakes and tragedy.


Lord, I pray, O Lord hear my prayers. I can’t put them all into words and words seem cheap, words seem vain, but I pray Lord you will be near the brokenhearted and that like so many men and women in the bible you will RAISE UP leaders, speakers, influencers, peacekeepers and change makers. Thank you Jesus! Your righteousness will prevail. Amen.


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