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Feeling deflated

These past few days I've been making a to do list at night - as a recommendation from something I read - it's been working out well - I've been getting lots of things done - I've also been staying up and working a bit each night...but today - I have zero motivation...I literally just stared at the computer for like 5 minutes...and then went to Facebook and trolled which is super productive as we all know.

So I decided to write a little, fact of the matter is, I had a rough day, me and the hubs drove each other to crazy and it wasn't fun, married life is not for wimps, it's hard. I guess what gets me the most is how much it deflates me, wears me out, kills my joy, makes me feel like doing nothing but sitting around and being lazy.

And that's not who I am - dammit...

It's frustrating to say the least and I'm sure the hubs would have a lot to say too - I'm not easy to deal with - at least that's what I've been told. But life is not easy to deal with. Today at church we talked about how we are to be Spirit led and unfortunately we are feeling led...and that's right where I am.

I feel like crap, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm tired, I'm unmotivated and I'm worried, anxious, lonely, did I mention sad...well there - that's what's happening...the Spirit in me is sucked dry...

So how do we replenish? Sleep, that's a good one. Starting over. Prayer. Fresh air. A shower. A green juice. A glass of wine. A run. A fitness class. A blog.

My to do list is made for morning. I'm not going to get anything accomplished tonight. I must sit back, relax and remind myself tomorrow is a new day. Full of new lists, new accomplishments and new opportunities. And pray...I have to pray. And if you pray, pray with me...pray for me, pray for us, pray for marriages everywhere - because they are not for wimps.

I wish I had some inspiring things to say, but I'm working on being real, in being more transparent, in telling the truth instead of just trying to pump myself and others up. Take it how you like. Such is life.

I saw a button today on a worker at Whole Foods which said "Shiitake Happens" - I need this in a t-shirt.

Written 9/17/17

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