Yes...we are in a battle. All the time. And this weekend (starting on Friday) I felt it more real than I had in a while. My week last week was good, work was good, my relationship with friends was good, my boyfriend was good. I was on cloud nine, then came a dose of some issues.
Now to say these were others issues would be wrong, but what came in conversations with others, in working with others, in trying to love others well, was issues. My issues!
Yep, in case you didn't know it, I've got issues! Ain't too proud to talk about it, let it all out. And no, I'm not asking for some pity-party, I'd rather have you just pray. Lord knows I need it!
So here are some of the issues that came out of me this weekend, like a rotten smelling fruit: fear, insecurity, jealousy, need for attention, wanting to be right, control, lack of self-control and selfishness. I could go on, but I think that's enough, for many reasons.
One, the Lord is not asking me to bear the weight of all these issues. Whew?! Because when I do that I tend to mess things up royally. Nope, Jesus came so that I could find refuge in His unfailing, unfaltering, unrestrained love.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39)
Secondly, as I move, live and breathe, I have to realize that these issues must be laid at the Lord's feet, that I must give them over each day, minute-by-minute, I must not give up! But trying not to give up does not mean to keep trying other alternatives (believe me I KNOW!). Selfishly, those don't work either, because again, I am not trusting, I am acting out of fear. I want to fix it, I want to make things better, I want the issue to go away. And sometimes, it can't just go away, my words must be chose carefully, and my actions may sometimes heed discipline and responses that I don't want to experience.
So as I write this, and as Ann Voskamp tends to reiterate on her blog/Facebook (found here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/), "#preachingthegospeltomyself". So here I am, preaching the Gospel to myself.
It works most of the time, and then the times it doesn't, means I'm trying too hard to force my plans, and not waiting on God's plans. And then I'm reminded of one of my most favorite bible verses:
Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)
Yep, all my scheming, and trying, fixing, planning, talking, I need to let it go. I need to trust that the Lord cares for my issues and is working on soul and that I don't have to do the heavy lifting all the time.
So I pray on this Sunday evening, I will rest, I will rest well, I will sleep and I will wake up tomorrow morning with the clean slate the Lord is ready to hand me. Lord, I trust you. Lord, I believe you. Lord, I need you. Lord, I love you and Lord, I thank you. Amen!
Written 9/14/14